It Could All Be So Simple

I want to know when it will start to get easier. It is hard loving someone and not being able to be with them. It's equally as difficult to admit that they are not ever going to be with you. I have never regretted much in my life but I am starting to feel like I should have never met you. We have been going back and forth on this emotional roller coaster and I just want to know when in the hell can I get off. You say you don't want to be with me and yet when I am around you act in a way that contradicts everything that you say. I am trying to remain in a friendship but I don't want to put myself in a position to be hurt time and time again. I have always been there for you even when I knew I probably shouldn't have been. I allow you to act in a way I know I would not take from anyone else. I think I am unconsciously holding at the hope that you will come back even though I know you are gone. There have been times when you have pissed me off to the point where I really didn't want to be around you. You were a very loving person when you wanted to be.

You say you want me to be there for you because your other so-called friends are turning their backs on you. I sometimes get the feeling you just want me around to use me. I need to stop being readily accessible to you and start to live my life. You are certainly living yours. You told me the other day that I should start dating. I believe you are right. I need to stop being afraid of getting hurt because hell I am already hurt now. Perhaps I can find someone who genuinely gives a damn about and not want me around for their own selfish reasons. I think that once I get you out of my circle I can start the healing process. It will take time but in the end maybe we can honestly be friends.