Been a long time

I never thought we would be here in this place
Looking deep into your eyes
Wondering if after we lay I will ask you to stay
Wondering if you will reply with Yes

To Be Continued...

Goodbye...

I know it's been a minute since I've written but there has been a lot going on. If you stop talking to someone and get a girlfriend why keep trying to come back to them. You need to keep going and be with her. If you are trying to compare us that won't work because hands down I am the shit. Not to sound conceded but I am. I used to help you and be there for you when no one not even your family would be. When I love someone I love hard. It really hurt when you dropped me like you did but I have gotten over it and I have moved on. I can't believe you can claim you love her and want her and turn around and say, "I don't know what it is. I just can't keep my hands off of you. I know it's wrong but you are the best. I love you but I don't think I deserve you." Nicca please. I honestly believe that you never really loved or cared about me the way you said you did. I have to honestly say that the sex was live but at the end of the nut what is really left? I need more than that. I need someone that will love me for everything I am and appreciate me for everything I am. I know I am a good woman and so do you. You try to run mind games by saying the things you believe I want to hear. You tell me beautiful lies and I will no longer be the fool for you. This is the end of all the b.s.

A Good Day....

I spent the day with my girl Soul Amazing and it was a relatively nice one. We went to this Thai food spot Downtown. Great food. I'm getting full just thinking about it lol. Anywho after that we got ColdStone IceCream (that ish was off the chain). That was my first time having it. After that we chilled on the Riverfront. Yeah I know it was cold as ever! So what! Lol. Anywho we went inside the Ren Cen to wait on Keeny ( As Soul Amazing calls him) and these three dudes we always see down there came over and started talking. They were not cute but they were funny. No I have to take that back one of the dudes was quiet but he was a cutie. Little young for my taste- He was only 21. I kinda felt like a Cougar lmao. Anywho Keeny finally got down there and this nicca gets an attitude an storms off and ish. That f'd my mood up because he called himself trying to go hard on me. I am tired of his b.s. He came back an apologized after a few minutes. He waited at the bus stop with me and the bus was taking forever. I decided to just go to his house and call a cab. That ish took forever. I am finally home and able to go to sleep. Nigh all.

It Could All Be So Simple

I want to know when it will start to get easier. It is hard loving someone and not being able to be with them. It's equally as difficult to admit that they are not ever going to be with you. I have never regretted much in my life but I am starting to feel like I should have never met you. We have been going back and forth on this emotional roller coaster and I just want to know when in the hell can I get off. You say you don't want to be with me and yet when I am around you act in a way that contradicts everything that you say. I am trying to remain in a friendship but I don't want to put myself in a position to be hurt time and time again. I have always been there for you even when I knew I probably shouldn't have been. I allow you to act in a way I know I would not take from anyone else. I think I am unconsciously holding at the hope that you will come back even though I know you are gone. There have been times when you have pissed me off to the point where I really didn't want to be around you. You were a very loving person when you wanted to be.

You say you want me to be there for you because your other so-called friends are turning their backs on you. I sometimes get the feeling you just want me around to use me. I need to stop being readily accessible to you and start to live my life. You are certainly living yours. You told me the other day that I should start dating. I believe you are right. I need to stop being afraid of getting hurt because hell I am already hurt now. Perhaps I can find someone who genuinely gives a damn about and not want me around for their own selfish reasons. I think that once I get you out of my circle I can start the healing process. It will take time but in the end maybe we can honestly be friends.

F*ck OnStar

I am new to this whole blogging thing. I have been wanting to write a blog for a long time and I have gone ahead and taken the blog. I am a 25 yr old Professional Bum. I am still in the process of trying to find myself. The way my life has been going lately is pure craziness. I keep putting up with jobs and people that are beneath me. I believe I am stifling my creativity and my unique all to please other people. I never thought I would be the one to allow someone to "punk" me down. I have always been one of the strongest people I know. I have recently lost my job because people did not want to buy minutes. I was working at OnStar. That company is full of shit. They have stupid rules on whether or not to keep someone. My quality on the phone was A-1. I was only there a month but my quality scores were better than half the people on the floor. That company does not give a damn about that. They only care about you pushing minutes. I think that is poor business sense. I would rather have someone with great customer service skills and work on the sales. Anywho I think that's enough for now. I will come back with another installment.